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Welcome to my blog. Brb... I'm making memories (read as: Wine. I'm going to get some wine...)

Ryan Gosling does not have the Clap!

The conversation between Dale and I this morning after talking about why any single guy would not date a hot girl even though she is literally beating his door down with her gauva: Me: It reminds me of that saying… No matter how hot your partner is, somewhere, someone is tired of putting up with their shit!

Like, take Kate Beckinsale for example… I bet you she has a smelly vagina.

(Let me set the scene here, Kate Beckinsale is Dales FAVOURITE actress, he told me once that he would love to use her “thighs as earmuffs”. Now...  it might have something to do with her many many Oscars… Or the ridiculously tight black leather pants she always runs around in – tight black leather pants  = sweaty vagina just saying.)

Anyhoo back to the conversation…

Dalekins: Yes I agree, like Ryan Gosling probably has syphallis

Me: Don’t be daft, Ryan Gosling most certainly does NOT have syphilis. His penis is made out of unicorn horn and shoots rainbows, nothing is getting through that sucker.

Dalekins:  With the amount of women he has, of course he does! Unless he likes men, which is possible considering his good dress sense and the fact that he is so ripped that every time anyone in the world eats a carb he bursts into tears.

Me: Is THAT why you always wear white socks with black shoes Dale! You're trying to be the anti-Gosling because he's gay, has syphalis AND knows how to match his loafers to his hanky?

Dalekins: Indeed and I already have a hot wife, I don't have to bag any more women

Me: Yes, yes you’re absolutely right… you win this argument hands down!

(The only time those words will ever be muttered by moi)

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Christmas List

RIP Little Scarlet