So I think the zombie apocalypse is upon us and you all need to arm yourselves with whatever is to the left of you so we can fight them off. *looks left*
Hmmm a prestic snowman that a friend made for me… I’m fucked!
Anyhoo I need to share my trauma with you and why I think my colleagues are all heartless zombies who like nothing better than to eat people’s brains and kill stuff! (I may be exaggerating just a little... about the brains).
So there’s been a bad smell wafting around my office the last 2 days, like dead moose bad… so after thinking some sort of creature has died outside under our window, imagine our joy at noticing some flies stuck to the ceiling.
Like they’re really interested to get in there… like a homesick mole.
So with much dread I alert emergency services (Barrie – our go to cleaner guy) who comes over with what can only be called a midget ladder. Like the ones at the circus that the clowns jump off into little pools… or not… either way it was pathetic and after climbing on it he was still only tall enough to look into my belly button (We need ADULT ladders people!). So he gets up there, loosens the ceiling board… and RATS, RAT BABIES raining on my head!!!!!!!!!
OH MY GOD GET IT AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
And then I noticed that some were dead and others were still kind of alive. The poor things!
Ye ye screw you guys that are going to give me shit, baby rats are cute OK! They look a little like a Joey before it develops the big fuck off kick-you-in-the-guava-feet!
And I’m all like, “For the love of God save them someone do something… do mouth to mouth!!”
And all my colleagues were doing was shouting… KILL THEM KILL THEM!
So I ran upstairs for sympathy, and all I got upstairs from my wide eyed pitchfork holding colleagues was “good, they must dieeeeeeeeeeeeee! All dieeeeeeeee! They stink!”
Well, if YOU had to shit on the ceiling boards, you wouldn’t smell that peachy either! It’s not their fault they’re rats!
The trauma! Rat baby rain…
I need to be stabbed in the eye by a rainbow now! Nothing else could make me feel better!
P.S. Taking a sick day tomorrow… The Black Plague.
P.P.S I know I know, this was a terrible post, but here’s a picture to make you feel better.