So I have been sitting here staring into space thinking about important things like if a toasted ham and cheese got into a fight with a buffalo wing, who would win. Frankly that is tough question, and not one I’d feel comfortable with laying a bet on. Hot cheese VS the pointy elbows (??) of a chicken wing. It’s just unfathomable. And now I’m hungry… *sigh*
Anyhoo, I couldn’t think of anything useful to write today. So why write anything at all you ask? Well… You not the boss of me kaaaaaaaaaay! Ok no wait you kind of are, come bacccccck!
So I thought what could be a better thing to write on but the 5 reasons why Justin Biebers vagina is bigger than mine.
Yes I am sad to say that I did Google this for about 5 minutes some solid research on this topic and can therefore be seen as the leading expert on all things pertaining to Justin Bieber’s giant vagina. But don’t panic, I have had a good “Jik” bath and my eyes have finally stopped stinging, so I am good to go, and can share this useful information with you.
1) His middle name is Drew. I know right? That’s what your parents do when you are graced with a hermaphrodite baby and are not sure whether the winky or the cookie is going to be more dominant, so you give it 2 names. Unfortunately they chose the winky name first, and it’s too late to change it now.
MY middle name is Billy-Jean. How cool am I? I am the only person that is technically allowed to do that WHOOP WHOOP sound that chicks do when an awesome song comes on at a club because clearly this song was written for me.
2) His favourite drink is Vitamin Water. What the fu…? Mine is Klippies when Im in a fighting mood, wine when I’m trying to be pretentious and Caramel vodka when I want to sleep under a table.
The fact that he is a child still is just no fucking excuse I’m sorry. You’re a tweeny celeb, you should atleast have injected heroin straight into your eyeball by now and buried 2 hookers.
Big vaginaaaaaaaaaaa *whispers*
3) His favourite word is “shawty”! Bitch - you are 5 foot 3 (that’s a midget to us in the NEW WORLD using the metric system) I will fuck your shit up. I could use your head to rest my beer on little munchkin. (Actually I have no idea how tall 5 foot 3 is, cause I’m a size 7 so my 5 foot 3 might be bigger than yours?)
4) He does that stupid hair flick CONSTANTLY! Stop doing that!! Unless you have Tourettes, (in which case I apologise) if it’s irritating you that much put it up with a banana clip or some shit!
My hair is always up or out of my face because if it’s in my face, I’ll CUT you!!!
5) Fuck I’m running out of reasons here. Oh wait.