You want to put WHAT up my bum?
I was feeling a little low yesterday. Partly due to the fact that the pump up hydraulic thingy on my chair was at it’s all time low, and I was way too lazy and it was way too hot to reach my hand down to pump my chair back up to a respectable boobs-no-longer-resting-on-your-desk height, and also partly due to the fact that I haven’t mentioned the word “bum” in a post since the 80’s (…well since 2 days ago). But by Thors nutsack, the angels (Dalekins) smiled down upon me and sent me a news story this morning about a Croatian guy who has been arrested for seeking medical attention after getting an 11cm anti-aircraft shell stuck up his butt during a sex game, after clearly hoping to get "blown" to bits (sorry - that was lame - no it wasn't - it was brilliant - mwahahahaha)
That just cracks me up! (<-- Gerrit, “crack”..? Kekeke I keel me) *duh duh doooosh* (That’s a drum roll by the way, because I am funny as poop!)
Now what happened to a good ol’ game of snakes and ladders! Or a bit of “naked-and-covered-in-Vaseline” Twister if you’re feeling a little frisky eh? EH?
Ok wait, to be fair, playing Twister covered in Vaseline might just end you up in the emergency room with a torn arse. Slippery little suckers we become when doing ‘The dog eating a crane” yoga pose on a lubricated piece of plastic. Don’t try this at home kids. As a matter of fact kids why would you even CONSIDER this game, seriously? This is not an age appropriate toy! This is for Adults! Run off and go shoplift something!
Sakessss… the youth of today.
So because I know you’re terribly bored and need some cheering up on this Friday, I have put together a collage of arses for you ! I know, I know, I am awesome like that, and as soon as I can convince PayPal to allow people to pay me in Possums (because they are fuck off cool) I will let you know and you can pay me back!
This guys colon clearly has a fantastic idea!! (Ye me too, how about next time you don't go shoving a light-bulb up our butt!)
Mannnn, what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall with this phone call!
Douchebag: Hi, is this Joe's Locksmiths?
Joe: It is indeed young man, how may I help?
Douchebag: I've locked myself out of my house and need my key retrieved.
Joe: No problem, where are your keys currently. I need to know what tools to bring with.
Douchebag: Bring lube.... and a long tweezer.
Joe: If I had R5 for everytime someone said that to me!
Indiana Jones the intrepid explorer switched on his flashlight in the hopes of shedding some light on that awful smell in this dark tunnel. Clearly something had died!
Way to recycle!!
This is NOT what your mother had in mind when she told you to pack your toys away!
This completes your arse collage!
Have an awesome Friday, and remember if you haven't voted for me for the SA Blog Awards 2011 yet, you'll be shagged by a rabid marsupial who will then kick you in the goons once done.