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The Great Poo Debate!

I want to talk about something serious for a minute. No, no, stay with me here! Poo’ing in front of your partner.  Yes? No? I can almost guarantee you that all men who are not married / been living with a partner for more than 2 years have immediately closed this page and are currently trying to either bleach their eyes out of their sockets or rocking gently back and forth in a corner of a bathroom somewhere rubbing their backs vigorously with a toilet brush trying to clean their souls while mumbling “Help me Jesus, Help me Jesus!”

Yes boys, girls do poo.  Or we’d explode.  No really. It would be a hot mess. Emphasis on the word HOT too.

..And there go the rest of the male fan base.

So anyways, do you do it or not? I most certainly do NOT and to be fair I think there is something very wrong with people who do doo (see how I did that?) in front of each other.

Why oh WHY would you ever want to be THAT intimate with someone.  As a matter of fact that’s not even intimate, that’s like saying, I am so completely over our genitals EVER touching each other again that I am willing and am completely comfortable with you experiencing  me with that scrunched up, red, arteries popping, need more fibre in my diet, “I’m-giving-birth-to-a-baby-giraffe-legs-first” face and let’s not mention the demons from hell smell that may or may not (all depending on your diet, if you’ve ever watched that doc that sifts through her patients poo) emanate from my nether regions.

Holy Mother of God.  All I can say!

When Dalekins and I got together, he literally told me “If you EVER even fart in front of me (let alone poo), I will break up with you”… really? What if a leeetle one slips out while I’m sleeping (fart, not poo – stick with me here), I have no control dammit!!!”… No no, it would be over. He did this with much head shaking, it must be serious.  Considering we’re now married and together for almost 6 years, it proves one thing to me, and one thing only.  This man, sleeps like the DEAD!

I have a friend who’s husband would wait for her to get into the bath before coming in to have his daily poo, newspaper rolled up under his arm, the works.  The toilet was strategically placed right next to the bath, so there’s no chance you’re not hearing the plop or smelling the fumessssssss (No bubble-bath in the world could over power that stench!) His reasoning? I want to sit and spend some time with you.  REALLY? Can’t we go out for a lovely dinner, a walk in the park maybe.  Maybe imprinting on my mind that your sphincter is the portal to HELL is not something that’s going to kick start my hubba-hubba-I want your hunka-love mood! That thing is a muscle for a reason buddy!

Yech… I would rather hold my food baby in there until I popped, rather than do it infront of Dale.  Unless there was a bad mussel involved.  That's not staying in there for love or money :P

So do you or don’t you?

P.S Funny story - I was saving this image on my computer as "Poo.gif"  When the message popped up: "Poo already exists on your computer, do you want to replace it?" - WTF?

Reasons to vote for The Treacle!

Come Dine with Me

Come Dine with Me