Bonny & Clyde
There are times in your life where you’ll one day be forced to sit back and think “What the fuck just happened here?” That was me the other night, after watching the beginning of a really cheesy horror / slasher flick. Dalekins was in the bath and whilst watching some lady getting her head chopped off and put on a stick I decided to have some fun (the 5 G&T’s did help spur me on a little). So off I toodle, G&T in hand into the bathroom to plop myself on the toilet seat and grin at Dalekins in the most sinister way I could manage (which probably just made me look like I’d smelled something bad).
Me: *serious face* “So Dalekinssssss, I’ve been thinking… we need to start spicing up our relationship a little”
Dalekins: *wiggles eyebrows* “Ye, now we’re talking, are we finally going to try that Position 68 with the rubber chicken and the ladder?”
Me: “Ssssssssssssssssssssssss…….. no, I was thinking, lets murder people. We can be like Bonny and Clyde, except not rob banks, and um… ye, not the whole die in a hail of bullets thing” *dead serious face but snickering inside waiting for horrified reaction*
Dalekins: “Sure ok” *without skipping a beat* “How you wanna do this? Oooooh I'm thinking shocking someone with a defibrillator and then people will think he's had a heart attack! Ingenius I tell you! Ingeeeeenious! Hmmm but difficult to pick one of those up on e-bay... How about we break into some ones house, tie them to a chair and then put a funnel down their throats, pour petrol down the funnel until they’re stuffed and then woooosh throw a match in and watch them explode all over?”
Dalekins: “You're right! Too messy! Orrrrrr I have ALWAYS wanted a Gatling gun, we can just mow people down in their houses, and the gun is so big it would like literally chop their houses in half… and if the neighbors came running round the corner I would be like ratatatatatatatatata *shooting with his finger gun water flying everywhere*and turn them into Swiss cheese… so no witnesses…” *wide eyes and starting to froth at the mouth a little*
Me: “You freaking psycho! What’s wrong with you!!!?” *stomps out*
Dalekins: "What did I dooooooooooo?"