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Welcome to my blog. Brb... I'm making memories (read as: Wine. I'm going to get some wine...)

Buckle Up

You know… there are a few things in life that piss me off.  No ok that’s a lie, there’s a lot… like only remembering you had a chocolate mousse from Woolies in your fridge when it is going green already and is ready to climb out of your fridge all on it’s own and eat your poodle.  Like that would ever happen to me… a wasted chocolate mouse pfffft. Today however, it is parents who do not put seatbelts on their kids.

Are you retarded? And yet… you managed to somehow breed? *squints eyes*

Now who am I to judge, but should some chick shlakking her Maybelline Uber black-make-your-lashes-look-like-a-hookers X3 mascara on while driving just happen to stab aforementioned mascara wand right in to her stupid eye (in the middle of a gear change that she is battling to do and still hold her cup of coffee in that hand) drive straight into you, I’m curious,  will you:

a)      Manage to (in milliseconds) snatch your child who is precariously balancing by holding their hands on the dashboard out of harms way…? Because you’ve been bitten by a radio active spider and have spidey skills like that? No…? You’re an arse.

b)      Avoid an accident you can’t see coming? Your driving skills are so fucking awesome that you somehow think you would never be involved in an accident even if it were, let’s say the fault of the guy who has downed 10 Klippies and colas at the Dros and thinks his way home is right through you?

c)       Here’s my favourite: The lady sitting in the passenger seat with HER seatbelt on HOLDING the child on her lap because oh yes wait, you are going to be able to stop that child from flying through the windscreen with your hands? Shew but you strong ey?  If you are not restrained while holding the child on your lap, you will just end up adding crushing injuries to the child on top of the accident injuries you moron.

Car accidents are the leading cause of unnatural death in children.

I have had a friend who has gone through a windscreen a beautiful girl and come out the other side looking like mince meat.

You’re the big person here idiot.  It’ll take you less than a minute to clip a belt over them… and yet?

You need a license for everthing nowadays, but any dumb doos can be a parent.

Good Girl Gabby