Oh fuckydoo… so it’s D-day. Bootcamp. *shivers in fear* Today I begin Project Get-a-butt-like-a-Brazillian… only, not those big Brazillians… the skinny ones with the nice bums, focus people focusssssss.
Maybe I need to be more specific here and find some sort of picture because I know the Universe is a cruel bitch and if I say I want a bum that looks like a peach… well, I’ll get just THAT! Ask to be rich, and your favourite uncle in the whole world will pop his clogs and leave you R200…
I went to gym on Saturday, like the ijjit I am, just to see if my legs still work in preparation for today. So I ran. All good. Then I spotted the Power Plates that have been freshly installed in our gym, winking at me all sweetly. Luring me, enticing me sweetly… “Commmmme, commmme shake what your mamma gave youuuuuuuuu!” and so I did. And nowwww it is difficult to brush my own teeth my arms hurt so much. Dalekins had to help me out of the bath last night!
How the HELL am I supposed to do bootcamp today! And I just BET you today will be the day they declare “Veee vont to zee how many push upzzzz you can dooo yessssss?” (Yes, my instructor will from now on have a German accent because well… there was that whole Nazi camp thing and they sound all intimidating like... you get the point!) and I am definitely going to fall straight on my stupid “power plating before bootcamp” face!
I can see them already “Hmmm zeeees one ees going to geeve us problemzzzz” *whips me on my bum*
*flips her the bird while she’s not looking*
And here I had visuals of going to my first day and impressing everyone by doing Demi Moore like push-ups with one arm while gritting my teeth and yet STILL managing to look hot! (I may however be sitting way too close to the open glue pot on my desk).
If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, know that I am in traction in some sort of hospital, or that I am too weak to lift the screen of my laptop, or I can’t find a pencil to stick in my mouth to type with.