So I had 2 epiphanies this weekend! Well let’s not call them epiphanies really, that makes them sound… useful? and like something that would involve Whales and me giving up tuna! No, they’re more like things I remembered and then I said “Oh fuckknuckle!” Number one! I have “gone lost my mind!” and joined Adventure Bootcamp, which is only a nice company name for “We’re going to torture you to death but the name Aushwitz was already taken!”
Help me Jesus!
I don’t quite know what I was thinking. Well… I was thinking how awesome it would be if I had a bum like a peach, and my arms didn’t knock the person standing next to me in the face every time I waved at someone – more Heidi Klum, less Oprah Winfrey!!
… that was then, then I registered, and this is now. Now I am just TERRIFIED like a fat kid with no cake!
I suspect it may go something like this:
Day One: Kill me, kill me now.
Day Two: I am dying, someone call emergency services… WAIT! First check if I’m wearing nice knickers… then call emergency services!!!
Day Three: “it’s getting…. Dark…. So … cold…. I smell… flowers”
Number Two! I forgot that our book club is being held at MYYYYY house on Saturday! Gods... this means I have to actually put pants on on a Saturday (the injustice!) I seriously hope I can make 4 cocktail sausages and a bag of all bran flakes (I’ll pick the weavels out) go reeeeeaally far! Some sort of sausage pie then that makes you poo!