I knew something was going on! Their sneaky movings about! Constant yelling at me to get my “fluffy black arse off their clean washing” (I’m offended – the only reason I am fluffy right now is because you don’t brush me enough). Pulling those black things out of the top of the cupboard... what they keep calling “Ruck sacks…”. This threw me though you see… all this talk about rucksacks, I thought they were watching that stupid game again where the male people throw that bladder around. Dalekins always yells something about a “ruck” and the girly person keeps yelling “See Dalekins, they just use this game as an excuse to touch each others sacks!” They laugh a lot after that.
So anyway *bored yawn* No stupid game this time, I should have known they were leaving me! Anyhoo they’re were going to some place called Tie-land. Funny because I didn’t see them packing any. Oh I love ties. And they’re not taking me. To the land OF ties. It’s because they hate me.
Atleast they got that nice lady to come look after me. She gave me snacks, and then told me not to tell anyone. How the fuck am I supposed to tell anyone, you’re all too stupid to understand me.
I articulate myself perfectly clear, and then they usually stare at me all googey eyed and say “Oh cute look he’s making some sort of meaowwwwwwing sound” And then they rub me on the head. *grumpy face* It’s ok, I stand on their pillows when they leave for work in the mornings and shake my fleas out *wheezy larf*
So anyways, my people are back home now.
…and now they’re back
from outer space
they just walked in
to find me here
with a disgusted look upon my face
they never left me any snacks
tuna locked aw-a-y with a keeeeey
if I had known for just one second they’d be back to bother meeee
Ohhhh now go…
I’ll claw your face
Just turn around now
Cause you’re not welcome anymore…
Unless you brought me a present? *evil glinty eyes*
Fook meeeeeeeeeee! They did bring me a present! A Rat, on a stick, with glowy red eyes, and it CHASES MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! The Horrorrrrrrrrrrr!
Where are the soft ties people… the ones I love to chase!!
*Zeus hightails it out of lounge howling in fear leaving Dale running behind him confused with fake mouse in his hand*
Dalekins: “Whats wrong you big pisssssssyyyyyyy, we brought you this all the way from Thailandddddddddd!”
Me: “Told you we should have just bought him a Diesel jersey”