There I was, all innocently sitting on the loo, you know, looking at my nails, pondering the tile grout when I was struck with that “someone’s watching me feeling”. So of course as you do, I whip my head around looking for any tell tale red flashy lights in the dodgy holes around my stall that are sure to be sending my bum (via satellite) to weird and wonderful places that all end in “khizstan”. So it got me thinking. What in the world do people who like to watch those dodgy “voyeur cams” get out of it exactly?
I’m not talking about the hand held camera’s that get put on the side table, on top of the photo’s of your pets and children (to balance it out) so that you can film yourselves bumping uglies. Just for the record, no I have never done this. I would be way too critical watching that afterwards… and I don’t own any hectic 80’s porno base guitar type music to accompany it anyways.
Me: “Oh my GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, we are NEVER showing this to ANYONE!! Look how the lighting shows up my cellulite!!!… We really need to dust that headboard too”
Dalekins: “Who were we planning on showing this too!!!?? And why the hell are you pouting, and why does it look like you’re deliberately moving in slow motion!?”
Anyhoo where was I?
Yes, yes, I don’t mean THAT kind of voyeurism. I mean the “filming you while you’re in the loo” thing.
Exactly what, do people who take the time to actually sneak INTO a ladies toilet to hide one of those camera’s get out of it. What do they imagine we do in a toilet when we go in there?
Last time I checked, we’re in we’re out. We wee, we pull up our pants or skirts (make sure it isn’t stuck up your bum when you leave), and that is it. Okay, okaaaaaay, so occasionally we might have a nap with our heads balanced on the toilet paper roll thingy. (Do not do this without setting an alarm on your phone though, it leaves vicious marks on your forehead, and your drool WILL short the funny spritzy thing).
How is THAT sexy!? Or maybe I am doing something wrong? I don’t suggestively walk in, lick my lips and do a little dance before sitting down, neither do I remove ALL my clothes when I go for a wee…? So what eeeees eeeeeet??? I don’t understand!
I feel like I am underperforming now every time I go to the loo!
(Will definitely re-apply my lip gloss though for when nature calls again…)