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Welcome to my blog. Brb... I'm making memories (read as: Wine. I'm going to get some wine...)

Green Eyed Monster

Dalekins and I have one of those orrrsome relationships that everyone covets. You know the sayings that make you want to vomit in your own mouth a little? Yep, that's us. He is the lid to my pot.

They are birds of a feather.

His eyes are like the ocean – Full of fish wee? (This one Dalekins has just given me... I also didn't get it but he is pissed as coot, so I'll forgive him his crazy mumbling. - He gave blood, went to gym, and then came home and has had a glass of wine with me *eyes him suspiciously* and now he's slurring. *rubs him on his head* “That's nice sweetie go to sleep” *sweet smile*

(Ok so clearly there aren't too many sayings – I'm all out already. Anyhoo, you know what I mean)

But funnily enough, we seem to have this completely irrational jealousy going on.

Ok wait, I HAVE to stop this post right here to tell you, Dalekins is in the kitchen doing dishes (Did I use any of my great great grandmothers crockery! Gods!) and he is repeating to himself: “That sheets funny that sheets wacccccckkkkkkk, that sheeets funny and wack!” I am almost sure he is doing gangsta handflicks.... WAHAHAHAHA Too funny.

Anyhoo where was I?

For example, I just happen to think that Gerard Butler is, oh you know, easy on the eye! (I will erm not elaborate – as this is a post about irrational jealousy. Have you not watched Boxing Helena!! And Dalekins always has this weird way of winking and smiling at me like a loon every time he takes the box cutter out of the drawer!)

He also once told me that he has a Taxidermist on speed dial. And directly after that told me that I have a very pretty face. Should I be worried?

So anyway, Gerard is a fine looking gentleman, with an Irish accent that would melt the granny panties off any woman.

Now whenever we watch a movie with him innit, Dalekins immediately gets a strop on.

Me: “Pass the popcorn please shnoookums” *whispers because I'm not rude like that in the movies*

Dalekins: “You hate me, you wish I was Gerard with his stupid six-pack and big fat stupid head!!”

Me: *blink*

Dalekins: “Why don't you just run away with him and go and have babies with six packs and stupid big fat heads and ridiculous Irish accents and they'll say stupid things like "Och nooooooooo"!!”

Me: *blink*

Me: “Oh really!!”

(Queue the old Kate Beckinsale Argument)

Me: “Wellllll isn't that nice now... let's not forget that YOU *points at him* have always wanted to use Kate Beckinsales thighs for EARMUFFS!!!!!”

Disclaimer: Dalekins said that if I told anyone I liked Gerard Butler, that I could NEVER bring Kate Beckinsale up in an argument again. (“That's nice sweetie go to sleep”)

POO - The Perfect Stress Reliever

Let me Quantify the pointlessness of this post