Ok, so I pilferred a questionnaire, cause well... I'm bored, am taking a lunch break and I thought I would rob you of 2 minutes of your lives by giving you something useless to read! But just think what MIGHT have happened if you hadn't have been reading this post... you might have:
- Been Abducted by aliens and had a hosepipe shoved up your botty for exploratory purposes (apparently this happens everyday)
- Choked on a chicken wing (I saved your life! You were eating slower because you were reading while eating! How lucky are YOU to know ME!)
- Run over a small Checkers packet full of bunny babies that was just... lying in the road. Because you were driving instead of reading!
- Lost an eye in a terrible tent pole accident.
- Had a monstrous number 2 without having anything to read (Lesson of the day: Print Me. Take me to loo)
If you are still not convinced about reading my mindless questionnaire answers, here's a picture of a porkchop:
What is your current state of mind?
Numb. I need to make a serious career decision / change or I will definitely lose my mind and should I get hit by a bus tomorrow I will be seriously PEEVED that I popped my clogs not entirely smiley… it’ll also suck that I got hit by a bus… but… baby steps!
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
It’s that exciting feeling in your stomach when you are tasting something sublime and eating it with your fingers! Smelling or seeing something new. For me, travelling with someone you love and experiencing new stuff. Also when someone who’s been annoying the poo out of you trips and falls down the stairs, also sometimes gives me that warm and squishy feeling.
I may be a bad person.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
What is the quality you most like in a man?
The ability to look past my faults and still see the orrrsome me right through all of that. When he can look at you in all your craziness, when you are at your worst, and still love you.
And also, when he doesn’t take a restraining order out on you after you’ve stabbed him in the knee with your fork for pilfering your last roast potato off your plate (I love potatoes)
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Strength. Change the fecking light bulb yourself. I promise, you won’t die.
Which living person do you most admire?
So many people. Those starving skinny children begging at the traffic lights. Such a hard life, but they can still give you that “It’s ok” smile when you shake your head because you don’t have a R2 on you.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Facial products. I aim to peg looking 16! Grow old gracefully my wrinkly ARSE!
When and where are you happiest?
On Holiday! No pressure…? Love eeeeeeeet!
On what occasion do you lie?
If I know what I have to say will crush someone, and will not benefit anyone. I am never reckless with people’s hearts. Also, if I woke up with a dead hooker in my hotel room, I am sooooo blaming that shit on the room service guy!
What is your greatest fear?
Losing someone I love. And being stabbed. And burning to death. And waking up with my face full of spiders. That would suck.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Aggression. I can be very manipulative as well.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I feel guilty about just about EVERYTHING. I always want to be liked, so care a lot about what other people think of me… it’s terribly boring.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Farkit. I don’t know. Would love to say something smartarsey here, but I really can’t think of anyone.
What is your greatest regret?
I don’t have one. Shit happens. Get over it.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Haven’t done it yet. Mastering that bastard Hula-hoop.