Well hello there...

Welcome to my blog. Brb... I'm making memories (read as: Wine. I'm going to get some wine...)

The Devil Wears A Blue Vest

So I went to a place today... a place you religious folk (if you swing that way) like to refer to as HELL! Or as I like to refer to it “Centurion Licensing Department” to renew my drivers license (cheese grate my skin off). Now I don't know what you're all so terrified of! If you pop your clogs and you've been bad (coveted your neighbours hedge clippers), well fear the unknown no more! There is no goat like demon dude with a forky tail and a breath like rotting sardines, or no flames to blister your arse for all eternity! No no, just really ANNOYING slow arsed government workers who all seem to wear blue vesty things! But they're sneaky hobbitses.... because while they're putting you through the trauma of having you sit in that airless room next to the dude with the smelly socks for forever and a day, which, lets be fair IS the equivalent of setting your arse on fire... they SING gospel tunes! I think it's to throw you off... OR to try and calm you when you're about to leap up and beat the fingerprint lady with her own mouse!

Luckily for meeeeeee, I am smartarsey that way, and used one of those queue-for-you-cause-you're-too-lazy-to-do-it companies! Resultttttttt!

I was out of there in 45 minutes! Lightening fast considering when I arrived the queue was pretty much into the parking lot. And yes *snicker* I breezed past them with an incredibly smug look on my face. And then karma bitch slapped me in the face for smiling all smugly when I got to the blue vesty thingy wearing guy and told him “I have a 9:15 appointment”. He then swiftly told me I was talking bollocks, and that there were no appointments for drivers license renewals.



*takes cellphone out of pocket and waves it in his face while talking all loudly to my “contact”*

“Contacccccccccct *stamps feet* blue vesty guy won't let me innnnnnnn!!”

Contact: “Whatttttttttttttttttttt, oh no he didn't! I'll be right there to beat his arse with his stupid smarmy clipboard”

(Or that's what she should have said)

Anyhoo, she fetched me, I went in, did my thang, and I was out! Without Stabbing anyone (although the cashier who wanted to pocket my 5 bucks came close *eye twitch*). I'm so proud of me!

I wassssssss gonna smile all smugly at the people still waiting in the queue outside and MAYBE the words “I hope you brought dinner” were the words I was thinking of saying... but I breezed through quickly, remembering the karma bitch who probably would have tripped me infront of everyone and had me break all my teeth on someone's shoe on the way down. (I SAY trip but more than likely some big scary looking dude wearing khaki would have whooped me).

God in heaven I am having the biggest munchie attack EVER! And I was good todayyyyy! I've been to gym, I was goooood damn youuuuuu *shakes fist* Until I left the gym, and some crazy bitch stopped next to me in the traffic and she was eating a chocolate muffin the size of her HEAD!! Ok, maybe not THAT big (but I wish it had of been) *sigh*

And now look at me....! *Turkish delight icing all over mouth*

I can't be stopped.

Porkchops and Rambling

Guilt Ridden Ebola