Well hello there...

Welcome to my blog. Brb... I'm making memories (read as: Wine. I'm going to get some wine...)

Guilt Ridden Ebola

So for a few days now, I have been feeling a little bit like warmed up dog poo. (That's NOT GOOD incase some of you actually LIKE the texture of warm dog poo? - weirdies!) So anyhoo, I've had a fever the last few days (No my boobs are not hanging in my soup) and have just been feeling generally achy, but the snotsies haven't developed at all. So seen as I have been to Kruger Park and was an absolute shmorgasbord for mozzies, and combined with the fact that I only took 2 out of the 6 malaria tablets I was supposed to take. Now don't lecture me, they made me feel sick! And not sick in a I-like-midget-porn way, but sick like as in dizzy as all HELL! I think people at work were starting to think I was putting vodka on my cornflakes with the way I was wobbling down the passage!

(Actually I DO pour vodka on my cornflakes – so let's say they were suspecting that the amount had increased).

Anyway, weird unexplainable fever and aches, sent me off the the quack yesterday for a malaria test! The loon drew blood out of my handddddddddddddddddddd, (after trying to search for a vein in my arm WITH the needle for 10 minutes before he gave up) the pain the agony the torture.

Perfect for milking when I got home.

“Dalekinssssssssssssssssssssssssss please will you make me some Horlicksssssss? I would but my hand hurtssssssssss and I'm seeeeeeeeeeck” (who named this delicious milky sweet drink anyways? Depraved genious!)

“Dalekinssssssss please will you come roll me off some toilet paperrrrrr, I would but my hand hurtttttsssss”

“You're pushing it Tash!”

*pouts* ….. Sssssssssssssssssss

“Finnnnnnne I'll do it myself!”

“ow...ow... sssss....ow”

Dalekins comes into the bathroom rolling eyes like he's having a seizure.

“Do the words... drama and queen ever touch a nerve with you Tash...?” *starts to roll the toilet paper off*


“No... why....?” *holds up hand like an injured paw* “Heyyyyyyyyy you're folding it, I like it scruncheddddddddddddd!”

*murderous look*

“ok, okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ssssssssssssssssssss....sheesh”

*looks into toilet*

*looks at Dalekins*

*Looks into toilet*

*Dalekins pales*

Dalekins: “Number 1 or number 2....?”

Ok so I made up that last part... I didn't eve GET my bloody Horlicks!

So anyhoo, I am burning uppppppppppp *pitiful feel sorry for me face*

And I was sent home from work today. Yes SENT home! (Might have had something to do with me mumbling deliriously about ebola)

So just got results. No malaria. So why the fever...? “It MIGHT be the flu”. What??? Might be...? Blehhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I feel all guilty now for lying in bed... while everyones working! What is WRONG with me. I think this fever HAS made me BALMY! I feel bad. About not being at work. And I am genuinely sick.

I'm retarded!

The Devil Wears A Blue Vest