Well hello there...

Welcome to my blog. Brb... I'm making memories (read as: Wine. I'm going to get some wine...)

I say NAY!

Ahhhh Balls!

I'm annoyed! The couch strikes again.

I had all good intentions of going to gym today... you know... working up a sweat. Flexing those biceps and clenching my gluteus maximus... well... because my gluteus is very maximus. So I kind of have to... you know... pretend to work out every now and again. (Well actually, if your bums big enough you just have to give it one good pelvic thrust and a sideways flick to get the momentum started and Bob's your uncle, your body works itself out... a bit trickier to get it to stop though!)

See, I am NOT one of those skinny arsed wenches who have fast metabolisms (I hate you). You know the ones... the one's who eat a pea. Yes, just 1 pea, and then look pregnant. Give a burp, lift their little fingers and TAH-DAH! Peas gone, and their last 10 meals with it.

Hate it, hate it alllllllll.... those little chicken wings on their backs... the lack of the floppy Oprah arm. *sigh*

No sadly I was in the frozen yoghurt queue when metabolisms were being given away. I got the left overs... no really. When handing my metabolism to me, the dude gave me one of those annoying “I'm so sad for you” looks...

I thanked him and skipped happily off not knowing that the evil bastard had given me the dregs and from that day forth just smelling a cheesecake would make my bum expand by atleast a centimeter.


So here I am, all good intentions of going to gym gone to pot, sitting on the couch with a long piece of red liquorice hanging out of the side of my mouth. *slurp*

Gym 0

Couch 1

The guilt... the guilt oh it cripples me!

Gyms... gyms are bad places. Oh yes, they lure you in with the promise of a “healthy gorgeous body” but what no one tells you is that they are filled with torture devices designed to make you wish you were dead! Treadmills that threaten to fling you off should you let go of those handles for just a second. Those thigh machines that make you sit like a whore in the Cape! Terrible, terrible place.

I say NAYYYY! 

Still feel a bit bad though...


Oh oh by the way... random thought. I heard on the radio yesterday a comedian asking the crowd: “what ever happened to white dog poo?"

Which made me think. No really, what ever happened to that white dog poo... I used to see loads of it as a kid!!! 

weeeooooohweeeewaaaaaaa *Twilight Zone music*

Just saying.


The Dangers of Hula Hooping!