Well hello there...

Welcome to my blog. Brb... I'm making memories (read as: Wine. I'm going to get some wine...)

Ok so I am on my own again... left to my own devices... and again I have a glass of wine in my hand... its only my second ok!! Methinks a pattern is showing its tiddled little face. Hmmm wow... in 2 simple sentences Ive managed to make myself sound like a pisscat orphan, whom you should feel sorry for I might add! :) Now lets see, what amazing glorious adventures have happened to me since last I whined about my woes? Well, I continue to do the power plate and I must say my legs are very angry with me today! See my power plate trainer... lets call him HITLER (just kidding incase you read this David, we wouldnt want to make you mad so you make me do 500 squats all in a days work) said to me... 'we're going to try something different today' *suspicious face* So he made me do some excercise where I have to push my bum out and do funny little squat things that to be quite crude make me look like Im constipated and trying to do a number 2, so no, not very sexy AT ALL... thank God his rooms are basically in a dungeon (ok so its a nice office downstairs in an office block with nice pale green paint on the walls)where no sane folks dare to tread (wow Im dramamtic tonight ey). So anyhoo whilst Im doing aforementioned erm squat thingies, he says to me 'This is very good for balance' and Im smiling but thinking 'What the fck!! I dont care about my damn balance, I learnt to walk when I was a wee bebee.... I dont want balance I want buns of STEEL'...  ^%$$%#%# (dont quite know why I use funny characters when Im trying to imply that im swearing, Im a potty mouth of note on a good day - feck feck fekkity feck! - see!) anyhoo I digress... so Im thinking what alot of bullcrap when surprise surprise he gives me a knowing (evil) little smile (snarl) and says 'so... you feeling it in your legs yet?' God oh God... how does my bum weigh this much, my thinghs are on firrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.... hence why today I feel like I have legs made out of 2 big slinkies... come to think about it how awesome would that be... you could kick the crud out of someone standing miles away... oh my word the potential!!!! Thats it, I want slinky legs...

Dear Santa... I want Slinky ...Slinki... Slinkie (how do you spell Slinky for feck sakes!!!!)

So we are now the proud owners of the biggets tv on the planet... no seriously, have you wondered why the night sky has been a bit brighter lately? THIS is what happens when Dale says to me 'Im just quickly popping out to LOOK at tv's' and yep your man Dale comes waltzing in... I say waltzing but I mean kind of stumbling with what looks like that big screen they have at NASA... well I assume they have a big screen... they always have one in the movies to show the big meteorites that are about to crash into America... always America... thank goodness... erm anyhoo... :) he comes in with this tv and announces... 'wooohoooo PS3 on a giant tv ''Oh erm thats great honey'... and Im thinking Ye man now I can watch Egoli from work 5km's away :)

I am on holiday next week... so excited I could poop (assume the power plate position).  Hoping some inspiration strikes me while Im on the beach and I come back feeling refreshed or atleast knowing what the hell I am going to do with my present INSANE situation that I find myself in, cause I really donwanna anymore.  I plan to do as little as possible I might add... only as much physical excersion as it takes to suck the pinnacollada up my straw... *slurp slurp*

Have you ever watched Wallace and Grommit... man how cool would it be to have one of those machines they invent... the ones that with just one push of a button, you could be slid out of bed into some clothes and your breakfast cooked for you and pinnacollada poured all by some sort of simple pulley system... I like to call this pulley system ... Dale :) Love you shnookums... (Im all talk cause he's out tonight and not glaring at me over my monitor *snicker*.  No really, love you bebeeeeeeee you're awesome... and not my minion at all.... mwa mwa xxx

Oh my God I nearly forgot! The biggest spider on earth!!! I shit you not came into our house the other night... I nearly pooped a frisbee, I am TELLING you I aged about 10 years!) maybe he came in to watch National Geographic on our big feck off tv?) I sat on the couch all curled in a ball making funny pig squeeling noises and yelling at Dale to get him outttttttttttt (I hate them but I dont like to kill the little beasties) So Dale goes to the kitchen, comes back with a tupperware... walks towards the spider, stops, looks at the spider, looks at the tupperware, turns around and goes and gets another BIGGER tupperware... hahah bleh... so funny (I only say that now because the spider is currently living in our neighbours house where Dale dumped him).  Thank God the things dont hold grudges and dont come with GPS... I did nearly plutze I tell ya!

Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn theres a bug in my wine :( WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY *throws myself on floor and whale sobs* GET YOUR OWNNNNNNNNNNNN! I dont know where you've been!!! No seriously thats the 2nd one... Im clearly not drinking fast enough...!

So Jan came over this past weekend so we could both 'troos' eachother a bit... so Dale ended up being barman and making us things called 'Hand grenades' to drink... its basically a Jaeger bomb, but with a shot of vodka in aswell.. you pull the shot of vodka out down it and then drink the bomb... quickest way to lose all the air in your body I say... *cough splutter wheeze* but I must say I think Im allergic... I couldnt feel my legs after that... or my face :) so anyhoo after a squillion hand thingies we downloaded some songs on to Singstar... Foreigner... I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES..... I WANT YOU TO SHOW MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *little tear drops down our dronk verdriet faces* bahahahahaaaaaaa so funny... all videotaped evidence has been destroyed..

Ok enuff from me... going to get into a hot bath... so lazy tho... see now if only my slinky legs could get me there.....


Red Wine, nervous breakdowns and Lycra...