Well hello there...

Welcome to my blog. Brb... I'm making memories (read as: Wine. I'm going to get some wine...)

When is enough, enough?

I'm tired. Its 3:06am and I wish I could say that it was the loud bang outside that woke me up, but the truth is is that it's the noise in my head thats had me awake since 2am. Lucky me eh?

What am I lying awake thinking about this morning? Sadly for me this time, not cheese.

I'm thinking, when is enough... enough?

Heavy for so early. Isn't that when we all do most of our thinking about the crap though? No? Just me? Surely not.

I was talking to a friend the other day and he told me about a movie he had watched where everyone HAD to be honest with eachother...all of a sudden. Tell the truth, in EVERY sitution, no matter what.

Yes, you would really have to tell your girlfriend that her bum DOES look big in those jeans and she should lay off the chocolate.

God. Can you imagine how awful that would really be? Now, none of us likes being lied to. As a matter of fact, it's a pet peeve of mine. But, we all lie, every single day, because we're nice that way. We lie to save feelings. We lie because to tell the truth would be too much for some people and situations to handle. So we sway what we say to keep the flow smooth. And yes I mean... within reason.

That's tiring as all fuck and I can honestly say I am bone weary for doing this on a daily basis.

So when do we ever get to that point where we say, “you know what, not today. No more”.

We're very strong. It takes a lot.

Is it when you want to just put your head down on your desk at work, and cry, because to have to do this one thing that you hate so much for another minute will make you want to lose your mind. That you have to literally put your hand over your mouth to stop the words from spilling out. Is it enough then? No. I'll come in tomorrow and do the voodoo that I do and I'll do it well. Why? Because I need the money and the job, and thats life. I have bills to pay and I don't know what else to do. No Dr Phil moment there. It just is what it is.

So I'll plaster a smile on my face and carry on because God forbid should any of us voice the frustration, because to do that will be frowned upon because “we're meant to be grateful for everything we have” remember? Remember that there are people out there who are so much more worse off than you are and who would kill to have what you have. Remember.

Well sometimes I don't feel like being grateful. Today I feel like being a selfish and crying foul for me!

Pain is pain. Frustration is frustration, it does't matter what the degree is and what it took for us to get there. It's how we feel and I wish we could be honest about it for once without having to think of the 500 consequences that will follow.

I have so much to be grateful for. But something, someone has sucked the joy. And I don't know where it went. And clearly it's keeping me up at night.

I'm not even going to read what I just wrote. It's probably just a lot of bullshit anyway, and I'll probably feel great shame and remorse for writing this just now when the sun is up, and feel bad for not writing something funny.

So maybe I'll delete you. Maybe I won't.

Hobby Shmobby

Fluffy Velociraptor Attacks