So… what do you want to do for your birthday Dalekins? We can do anything you want! (I’m saying this – but thinking, “as long as it doesn’t involve lube and a hamster I’m fine with it all”). Dalekins wanted to go to the rugby on Saturday, Bulls VS Brumbies, and then out to a pub, and possibly some karaoke afterwards (Hellooooooooo ABBA)!
Rugby you say… I don’t have a cooking clue when it comes to rugby – I scream pretty much when the TV tells me too. So I am usually filing my nails, when I look up at the TV, see that little highlighted red wording on the screen and then scream like a banshee: “NOT ENTERING THROUGH THE GATTTTTTE”… I try to look quite narfy while yelling this… then swiftly go back to my nail filing. No one is the wiser… such a clever little cookie am I! (WTF does not entering through the gate mean anyway… there IS no gate….?!)
Anyhoo, so off we toodle to Roftus on Saturday, me thinking I’m going to get blatted on the side of my head with a vodka filled naartjie and if I don’t scream something rude in Afrikaans I’m going to get asked to leave. (I’d been practising too!) But alas, it was MARVELOUS, very civilised even! No one even lost an eye!
Although there was that moment where I heard them scream Vodacom Po*sssssssssssssssssssss (yes that awful Afrikaans word) and yanked Dalekins by the arm and whispered “Surely they cant say thattttt!” (all shocked like)…
Dalekins: “They’re yelling Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulls Tash… Bulls!…
So anyhoo, long story short, rugby was marvellous! We went for a Klippies & Cola afterwards (cause I’m told that’s the done thing!) So we got a double, and then another, and then another, and then a Jeagermeister and then it became difficult to blink.
I am pleased to announce, I have found someone who hears just as badly as I do :) although to be fair, I am sure the 3 double brandies didn’t help much either… but we got into a discussion about how I think Zepplins (a club in Pretoria where you have to listen to death metal or they slit your kittens throat) should be called Mordorrrrrrrrr (Lord of the Rings) cause it’s a bit creepy and evil looking. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why Dalekins friend Derek is arguing with me… “But… whyyyyy do you say that, that’s so stupid”… “What did they ever do to you” …”Perfectly nice….”.. “Did you have a bad experience” (he’s now at this stage looking very perplexed and arguing as if his life depended on it) and I’m yelling back “How is this such a far leap for you to grasp”… when I look over and Dalekins and his other mates are peeing themselves laughing in the corner.
It would appear your man there heard not Zepplins… but… Zebras!
There he is arguing the plights of Zebras… hence the “what the hell did they ever do to you….”
I learnt some valuable lessons on Saturday:
· After drinking 5 double Brandies and Coke slurring the words “I’m shoberrrrr asth a judge” is NOT believable · Never eat a garage pie. No matter how piddled you are. It will make you feel like you are giving birth to a horizontal pineapple later. They’re evil that way. · Don’t ever say the words “Pierre Spies is looking awesome eh?” to your boyfriend. It will end sulky. · Don’t wear your sunglasses on top of your head and lean over a balcony. They WILL fall off and brain the narfy looking dude who is sitting below you. · You CAN fit 7 people in a Fiesta. It’s always better to put the Zebra fan in the boot. · Red Heart merchandise girls are narfy (No free LOOT!). Jeagermeister girls are stingy (Have to buy 40 rounds before you get the lint in their belly-buttons) Hunters girls are friendly as feck and will give you a lanyard even though you don’t buy their booze (although much begging was done) · Never encourage someone at a bar that has a pool to jump INTO aforementioned pool for R100. He will do it. That will be funny as poop. But the 2 weirdies who wanted to join in the fun later and strip down to their G-STRINGS will not be so much fun. I still have a bit of bombskok.
Oh and I have just one more thing to say…
I’m on HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
If I’m not back in a week… know that I have been attacked and eaten by some random zebra in Krugerpark. Because it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye… to a zebra!