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Welcome to my blog. Brb... I'm making memories (read as: Wine. I'm going to get some wine...)

It doesn't even make your bum sticky!!

Man oh man, how pleased am I! Today was panning out to be a dull day with nothing to amuse me, and I was starting to get to that stage where I was wanting to throw my feather boa down and cry big crocodile tears in full on vloer-moer frustration! That, or go to Menlyn Shopping Centre and pop some children’s balloons… it was still a toss up! (also I know the security guards at Menlyn are particularly narfy on Friday’s – they also seem to not have a sense of humour when it comes to blubbing toddlers!) When *cue violins and angelic choir boys* I go to the loo’s here at work, and GUESS what!! My stars, we have spanking new toilet THINGIES!!!!

See, they’re razzling up our building a bit (methinks it’s to make it look less like an Indian Nike sweat shop – orrrrrrrr maybe my narfy mumbles of the CCMA whenever I see a boss has twigged a nerve) so they started the fix-up on the loo’s thanks be to Buddha because they’re like the pits of hell on a normal day!

But now… oh wait for it! We have… in EACH cubicle… *breathes deeply with excitement* one of those Spray thingies that spritzes out some sort of germ-killing-death-defying-ebola-preventative stuff that you then wipe the seat with so you don’t get the last person who sat on the seats COOTIES! And guess what… it doesn’t even make your bum sticky!!!! No really! I tried it :) Orrrrsome.

And a nice smelly spritzer thing, so now we will all walk out smelling like Toilet Duck (instead of my expensive D&G) but who’s complaining!

At least now I won’t have to do a combo sqwat-whilst-holding-nose-whilst-trying-not-to-pee-on-my-own-shoes-whilst-making-sure-that-your-bum-isn’t-touching-any-part-of-the-skanky-seat manoeuvre anymore! Success!

Any my favourite thing!! We have one of those paper towel thingies where you have to stick your hand in front of the sensor and the paper just shhhhhhhhhhhs out! Oh happy days! And I knowwwww the machine HAS a picture on the front showing you that you need to hold your hand over the sensor…. *smarty pants face* But it works for elbows and noses too… yes I tried.

I am suitably pleased.

Now as there have been workers in the loos, I am off to scour Google for a live feed from an intricately placed webcam that’s projecting my bottom across the world to some guy in Russia…

Poke out my minds eye!

The Sound of Cheese...