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You want to sell a WHAT on e-Bay?!!

I found my evening last night to be terrrrrrrrrrrrrrribly amusing :) So I get home from work yesterday afternoon and I get a txt message from my mother. The first 30 words were little swear word signs “*^$^#%$#%$^%$#$ and then a lot of mumbling something about, “rubbing it in their short and curlies….” And then some more &*%^$^$^#%$#@ and “It’s just NOT funny!”….

What the hell? Whats happened Mom??

So mummy stands in some ones gum. Still not clear whether it was some ones bubblegum, or some sort of glue gum… I couldn’t make it out from all the swearing. Anyhoo, she stands on this gum and it gets stuck on her shoe. She then unknowingly gets into her car and starts driving... whereby her shoe gets STUCK to the clutch pedal. *snicker* So she struggles for a bit, yanks and pulls (like a crazy person having a fit in her car to put it mildly – can you imagine being next to her in the traffic?) and eventually ends up pulling her foot right out of her shoe… the shoe sticks to the clutch pedal. Where it still sits… to this day?

Result: Her wanting to rub aforementioned glue into some ones pubes…

Mom have you considered the logistics of actually having to do that? Yech… first you’ll have to handle someone else’s gum, then you’ll have to handle someone’s pubic hair. If I can make a suggestion here? Braai tongs!

I think I have some sort of disorder. Dalekins tells me this all the time. I only tend to hear what I WANT to hear :) case in point… (I still think he’s lying though)

Dalekins and I toodle off to his parents house for dinner, because his sister is back from the UK for a week (God Bless her socks she brought me LOOOOOT!). So while we’re sitting chatting around the dinner table, sisterkins tells us all about how she saw this guy running in the park the other day with a Blade and how cool it was. I’m sitting there thinking um, what!! …and they continue to chat about how awesome it is that “they” are able to do so much these days… and I’m still looking at them all like they have lost their minds!!

*big eyes* You think it’s COOL that there was some mad man running around a park with a blade ready to randomly stab people in the eyeball?! *Silence* God I’m surrounded by that weird family in the Chainsaw Massacre… *eyeballing my nearest exit*

“Um Tash…” (This is Dalekins in his sympathetic-you’re-a-complete-retard-soothing-voice) “She means a Blade… the prosthetics that people who are missing a limb use to run around with…”

Oh…. *twists hair around finger and tries to look all cute*

It gets worse….

We then carry on chatting and Dalekins’s’s’s’s daddykins (who happens to be a doctor) says to Dalekins (just as I take a rather large swig of Savannah – I did just embarrass the poo out of myself need I remind you!) “Dalekins… I have a spectrum for you if you want to flog it on e-Bay”… now here comes my diseased mind at it’s best… I don’t hear spectrum, I hear… SPECULUM… (he IS a doctor you know! you can see how I turned this around in my head yes? No…? tough crowd!)

Cue Savannah exploding out of nose…

Well I jump up and rush out the room, hand firmly clasped over my nose with the Savannah spewing out the sides… (bubbles burrrrrrrn) trying not to laugh like a hyena, spew cider out of my nose and throw up at the same time… Why in Gods name would you want to give someone a speculum to sell on e-Bay!!

And why the fark are they all just sitting around calmly….?

A speculum for those of you who don’t know… is a … um… how do I put this in a lady like way… well, it’s a … cookie opener that the gynaes use *blush* to um…. Open… cookies.

Spectrum… not speculum… spectrum… not speculum…. Rinse repeat.

(Dalekins did much tsk’ing, eye rolling and more of the you’re-a-retard looks)

Hey, atleast the conversations are funny in MY head!

The Sound of Cheese...

Exorcist Barbie