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8 Apr 2009

Spidergate – The Final Frontier

Author: Tash | Filed under: Uncategorized

So Dalekins instructions were clear yesterday: Find that spider, seek and destroy! But don’t kill it… cause I’m not a meany! Just drive it to Midrand and drop it off!

So yesterday I started to prepare Dale for his battle! ‘Now Dale, what is your battle plan? How are you planning on tracking this spider if he is not in the spot where I left him (chucked him)? Because for all you know he is at home on our bed practising with his nunchucks as we speak… and need I remind you he has MANY limbs *shiver* and that constitutes as MANY nunchucks!’ But he assured me he was confident and was ready for anything! Much fist slamming into palm was heard over the phone…

So I went home with me mum and waited for the call. Not a HELL was I going home only to be pounced on and wrapped up in the same web as DaleÂ to have me innards sucked out!

The call came… Dale is that you…? *whispers* I know how these spiders operate, and yes they can dial phones… really fast too I had to check!

‘Tash, I have good news!, the spider was exactly where you left him! He even had the forethought to get INTO the tupperware and he’s all gone’ he says all confidently… But see, I know how much Dale loves me, and I am not entirely sure that I can trust this story because I know that he would lie to me if he didn’t find it just to make me feel better (and also to stop me from burning the house down). Consequently did you know that you cannot buy Napalm online? Just a thought, I know because I checked yesterday! I digress… So I say:

Tash: ‘Pinky swear you found him and he’s gone’

Dale: ‘I pinky swear’

Tash: *suspicious face* ‘Swear on my life’

Dale: ‘I swear on your life’

Tash: ‘Swear on your testicles that he’s really gone’

Dale: *starting to look uncomfortable* ‘I swear… um… on my testicles’

Tash: *slightly less suspicious face* ‘Swear on your PS3’s life’

Dale: ‘Oh my goodness sake Tash he’s gone I swearrrrrrrrrrrr’

Tash: ‘Ok ok sheeeeesh I just askedddddddddddd….’

Oh success! But the story continues… Dale got home and creeped towards the closed bedroom door.. opened the door, did a bollamakissy, a backflip and 2 jumping jacks before standing on both feet, crouched with his fingers pointed out infront of him like a gun. Ahhh the fingergun, very powerful… darting his eyes around the room, only to spot the little beasty exactly where I left him. (And yes for you non-believers of me, even Dalekins confirmed that it was a MONSTER of a spider). So he picks up the tupperware lid from where I had flung it and gently just pops it on and picks the tupperware up. But the lid is tricky its not a good fit, so while he’s trying to get the lid to close, the whole bloody tupperware flies out of his hand goes up in the air… off goes the lid and out pops the spinnekop…

‘Aaaaaaiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’ Dale bolts out of the room… and Zeus (who was watching from a safe distance) comes flying out of the room behind him like his tail was on fire where Dale continues to do the heebiejeebie dance from the dining room… After calming himself down, he creeps back into the room to now look for the spider that he’s chucked God knows where… and who would of thunk it, but he is again sitting on the edge of the tupperware… So Dalekins gets a bigger lid, scoops him into the tupperware, puts the lid on and safely escorts the spider outside!

Tash: ‘Where’d ya chuck him?’

Dale: ‘Outside in the parking lot’ *smiling all proud like’

Tash: ‘Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat that is still close to us…. I told you to drop him in Midraaaaaaaaaand’ *wails’

Dale walked off at this stage… *mumble* no pleasing *mumble* some people *mumble*…..

Oh oh he’ll mumble when we’re both chomped by a spider who had an internal gps tracking system and was hell bent on revenge…

Disclaimer: I was warned within an inch of my life that I am NOT to tell anyone that Dalekins went screeching out of the bedroom running for his life from the spider yesterday.Â So, actual events took place as follows:

A Spider was erradicated today before having a chance to attack and eat a couple in their home. The Hero: Rambo a.k.a Dalekins, who walked right up to the beast grabbed him by his 2 front legs and wrestled him to the ground before hog tie-ing him (alot) and then sticking him in a rocket launcher and blasting him into space. Dale was indeed wearing a muscle t-shit at this stage… and a red bandana… is this too much? I can never tell…

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Spidergate – The Final Frontier

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